A Circle of Trust
If you’ve ever seen the hilarious Ben Stiller movie, Meet the Fockers, you might have a chuckle hearing the phrase “Circle of Trust.” Stiller plays the role of Greg Focker who is pulled aside by his girlfriend’s father, Jack (Robert DeNero), to be educated – ahem, threatened, to be put outside the ‘Circle.’ What makes it so funny is that we can all relate to wanting to be ‘in’ rather than ‘out’ with trusted people in our lives. Who can you lean on when you need a friend? Who has your back? Trust implies protection and safety. Being able to count on people in your world is important.
Sadly, not everyone has a circle of trust. Life is hard. When you feel lonely or you don’t know who to turn to, especially when facing a crisis, your health can even be affected negatively. According to the American Psychological Association, “Loneliness has been associated with a wide variety of health problems including high blood pressure, diminished immunity, cardiovascular disease and cognitive decline. In fact, low levels of social support have even been linked to increased risk of death from cardiovascular disease, infectious diseases and cancer.”
It’s important to cultivate a ‘Circle of Trust’ in your life. It’s a place where you are safely held inside by loving people who act as a net to catch you when you fall. Here are some key things to look for in cultivating your circle:
A Good Listener
It’s important that you can feel heard when you need to talk through a difficult issue. Your feelings matter. There’s nothing worse than being unable to get something off your chest because your listener keeps interrupting or changing the subject back to themself. You need to feel heard. Confide in someone who doesn’t jump straight into ‘fixing it for you’ but who can let the uncomfortable pause have its way. Allowing you to talk out loud often gives you the ability to work out what you need to do next without anyone giving you advice. You often know in your gut what’s right and simply having someone listen can be all you need.Objectivity
When someone has a vested interest in the decisions you make, it can be hard to admit how you really feel. You might skew what you say to please them. You may hold back if you know what you say might hurt them.
In the case of an unexpected pregnancy, the mother is the person most affected by whatever outcome is chosen; however, there are other people like partners and parents whose lives will be affected by whatever choice is made as well. In these situations, it’s hard for those loved ones to be objective. An objective confidant is someone who isn’t going to add extra pressure on you based on their desired outcome or even their opinions. Choosing people who are able to weigh the pro’s and con’s while taking themselves outside your situation is extremely important when determining who to trust with your heart and the decision making process.Non-Judgemental
Similar to biased opinions, judgement can be the first thing to send someone outside your circle of trust. You need someone who ‘gets you’ and knows that whatever you say – the good, the bad, the ugly, isn’t going to change the way that person feels about you. Phrases like; “How could you ……?”, “I would never …..”, can make you feel ostracised and alone. If you sense that your friend is judging what you say, you won’t be able to say it confidently. You might even feel you can’t make a decision that’s right for you for fear of the other person’s judgement. You are the one who ultimately lives with the decisions you make and you need to feel at peace with them. As hard as it is, you can’t live to please someone else. Whether you’re judged or not, is out of your control, but you don’t have to include judgmental people in your circle of trust. You need to feel unconditionally supported.Available
It might seem obvious, but your circle of trust should include people who are there when you need them. Do they respond to texts? Do they answer the phone when you ring? Are you able to count on them to show up when you’ve made a plan? Unreliable people can make a situation full of unknowns feel even more shaky. You need someone in your circle of trust whom you know will drop what they are doing if you are in desperate need of a friend. Who could you call in the middle of the night? Who can you trust to make time for you?
Zoe’s Place
Here at Zoe’s Place, we have a team that is dedicated to helping you gain clarity around YOUR thoughts and opinions. We offer a safe, unbiased place, that helps you to consider all your options around an unplanned pregnancy, objectively and thoughtfully. Pressure from a number of sources, be it financial or job related, tension in relationships, family opinions, can all place unwanted and undue stress on a person while they try to make important decisions.
We understand the importance of having a circle of trust. Contact us today if you, or someone you know, needs this kind of support. We are here to help.